dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
