Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
