Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
