i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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