Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
