I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
