Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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