Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
