i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
