I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
