ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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