This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
