she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
