I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
