The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
