Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
