Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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