She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
my nose is crying tears of wow.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
