I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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