Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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