Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
