ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
