he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
