How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
