How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
