I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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