Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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