We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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