You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
