do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
