I think my vagina is haunted
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
