im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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