i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
