I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
