who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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