Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
