Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
