Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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