My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
