You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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