First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
