Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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