i wish my penis had a tongue
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
