I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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