i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
