If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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