Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
