it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
