why didn't you poke me back
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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