and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
