Who wears a wallet chain?!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize