I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
