I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
