my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
