remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
love makes seman taste better
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
