Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
