M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize