We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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