Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
