I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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