There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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