the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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