seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
