I wish I could teleport
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
