I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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